Top 5 Ways To Be a Great Friend

10 Dec

1. Listen: Sounds easy right? It’s not.. You’d actually be surprised on just how difficult it is for some people to listen to you. We all have our issues and we all like to complain/spill our guts/gossip to our best friends.

But do you ever have that one friend (or two, or three, etc) that just won’t take the time to give their attention to you.. It always somehow redirects back to them? I can’t really pinpoint the reason why people do this without knowing they’re doing it. Do they not have a genuine concern about someone else? Are they from another country and our customs are so different?  To me, it’s common courteousness – “How was your weekend?”, ‘Mine was good, how was yours?’ See how easy that is? Both parties showing interest… It’s a beautiful thing 🙂 Some people just don’t reciprocate the concern of others. This is a key factor in how to be a great friend. It usually stands out to me very fast whether or not this person is caring or not, and it’s even faster how soon I will dismiss this character.

2. Be Honest: Will you please tell me when I have something in my teeth? Or if my stomach looks fat in this shirt? Or that I have makeup smeared all over my face? Or maybe my dance moves aren’t up to par and I look ridiculous? Even give me positive honesty as well.

Why as friends do we feel the need to let our other friends fail? Why are we so scared to tell them something honestly? “That dress you are wearing just doesn’t look good on you.” Yeah, I said that once – It was before we went out and I thought she should know! She felt crushed. I’m sorry she felt crushed… but wouldn’t you want to know that!?

This can also go another way – Please don’t ever compare myself to you. Or say something about you is better than something about me. We are friends and not in competition. Or are we and I am not aware? Why put me down for you to get some form of self-confirmation? Especially if you put me down in front of other people. It’s not cool – you don’t end up looking better; just worse.  Instead we should be boosting up each other’s self confidence and make them feel like we are all on the same level. What I may lack you may have and what you lack I may have – That’s why we should work together.

3. Put in your time: I’m not saying you need to call me every day and see how I am doing but shoot me a text once in a while. If I’m the one that constantly reaches out to you then we need to reevaluate this friendship of ours because that’s not a good friendship. I understand people get busy and if you’re not constantly in their face it may pass their mind. I’m guilty of this as well, definitely not perfect in putting in my own time. I just think I get so bitter about other people passing me up that I take it out on my other friends – which definitely isn’t fair. I apologize.

If you get a new boyfriend/girlfriend I understand our time may not be as frequent as it has been in the past but don’t make me feel like I’m some big outsider now. I understand that you want to have that comfort around and spending all the time together, (you know… I really don’t get that – but let’s go with it) but eventually your friends will just get tired of waiting for you to hang out and just overlook you now.

If you do find time to hangout with me:
Don’t claim to me that you never make me feel like I am a third wheel because that’s never possible. If I am hanging out with you and your boyfriend – I AM THE THIRD WHEEL! No getting around that.
Don’t make plans with me and then try to merge possible plans with your boyfriend and the plans we just made together. Learn to separate yourself from them. If we have to always hangout as a group then I probably won’t chill with you much anymore.
Don’t let them flirt with me or any other friend of yours. It’s uncomfortable for everyone.

4. Let them walk through a door first once in a while: I got this from watching a Real Housewives of New York City episode. One of the housewives claimed that another would always walk through doors first because they thought that their presence was the most important one. I take this into real life now (cheesy, I know) but it’s true! Learn to be humble. Learn that you aren’t any better than your friends and you don’t deserve some red carpet at your feet when you’re together.

I have this friend who basically subconsciously refuses to hold doors open for other people. They will gladly walk through a door you hold open, without a thank you, but never open the door for someone else. When I first started to realize that my friend would do this I decided to test it out. I would hold the door open for them and listen to any type of gratitude… nothing. Then I would stand near them while a door approached and watched their movements. They slowed down and waited for the door to be opened. After a while I decided I’m just going to walk through this door first! That’ll show them – or so I thought. What ended up happening is I would hold the door open behind me until this person would walk through without holding the door open for themselves… WHO DOES THAT? Now I just hold it open for a second and let it hit them. But they’re too busy texting (why isn’t “texting a word?)  their significant other to even notice. Oh well, self victory for me.

The moral of the story: Realize that you are not the only living creature on this planet and we need all be on equal playing fields. Never think you’re better than your friends (and if you do, don’t let your actions tell them – keep it a secret).

5. Don’t be a flake!: This is the most important one there is! Raise your hand if you ever had a friend that would go to make plans with you and either a) avoid talking to you up until around that time or b) come up with every excuse to not hangout. Don’t cancel plans on me last minute unless it’s the truth. If you do it often enough I will know that you just don’t want to hangout and never ask again. Don’t make plans with me and then completely forget when the time comes and go M.I.A. – I won’t reach out to you and ask what happened, I’ll just straight up ignore you.

Or if I ask you if you want to come over and you never, ever come over.. but I find myself at your place all the time… something isn’t cool about that. If I am not too lazy to travel to your place but you’re too lazy to come to mine once in a while – that’s an issue. No one likes traveling, not everyone is going to like your place – or my place, but it just shows you’re willing to put effort into seeing me.

So don’t make plans and cancel or don’t make vague plans with me so nothing is really official and you can just let them slip through. I do that with guys I don’t really want to hangout with; I’m on to your tricks.

nicole says: show your friends you care about them because you never know when you can lose one – being a good friend is a lot like a relationship – with no sex.


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